NOT ACTUALLY A LIMERICK

THE 500 MASKS OF BARTHOLOMEW CUBBINS

Good King Derwin in the land of Sedona

Was faced with a crisis, because of Corona

The land was beset by a horrible virus

That sickened Aunt Edna and poor Cousin Cyrus

To deal with the problem and answer the need

King Derwin came forth and forthrightly decreed,

"Good people of Sedona it's not much to ask

To halt this disease you must all wear a mask!"

"It might seem outrageous, it might seem absurd

But this edict's effective on March twenty-third

We must all comply without any delays

And we'll just have to do it for thirty short days"

Though some in the land were frankly defiant

One lad from the country was gladly compliant

Bartholomew Cubbins was charming and pleasant

The right sort of naive impressionable peasant

So right on the dot on March twenty-third

Bartholomew Cubbins was true to his word

Determined to rescue the whole human race

The boy started his day with a rag on his face

Out on the streets Cubbins caused quite a scene

As the people all wondered just what could it mean

He vowed to create a new mask every day

To save all mankind in his own unique way

The people all cheered as they fought off the virus

Saving Grandmother's life became oh so desirous

As the land neared the end of the first thirty days

Bartholomew Cubbins' masks were a craze

Then just as the last days of April were through

Bartholomew thought, "Hey we're done with the flu!"

But King Derwin said, "I neglected to mention

I'm going to order a one month extension."

Bartholomew dutifully returned to his task

And for variety started to color his mask

One day might be purple. One day might be green

He wore the most colorful masks ever seen

As April and May turned into July

King Derwin said, "Just one more month, no lie"

Bartholomew started to add some new features

Like pictures of trees, and fun woodland creatures

Said Derwin without any rational reason

"We just have to make it through cold and flu season

So you must wear the mask for thirty more days

Then we'll be done at last, and no more delays!"

Bartholomew Cubbins got fancier still

Adding glitter and beads for a bit of a frill

Team logos and photoshopped picture of bats

Barney the dinosaur, Felix the cat

At the end of a year Derwin said, "It's a pity,

We must still wear our masks in the towns and the city

If you don't wear your mask you'll be charged with a crime

And from now on you must wear them two at a time!"

The four hundredth mask was made all out of gold

With frankincense and myrrh and diamonds untold

HEPA filters, copper fibers, blowholes, and vents

Cubbins started to realize it just made no sense

After five hundred masks Master Cubbins declared

"I'm no longer masking. I'm no longer scared

It's amazing, I can finally breathe fresh clean air

I can go to ball game, go to the fair!"

King Derwin gave Bartholomew one final call,

"You fool, you traitor! You've murdered us all"

In a fit of blind rage, King Derwin said,

"Bartholomew Cubbins! Off with your HEAD!!!"